“Loving for a reason vs loving for no reason?”
So a friend of mine put forward a thought of his “If I love someone for reason, like for their good quality or look or for their behavior, one day it will change & my love will also fade! So what it is to be loving for no reason? What is loving for a reason?”
I thought about it. The question isn’t framed right because the thought isn’t questioned well. It is still in nascent stage. So there was some exploration and came forward a series of paragraphs. I think the process goes from not even thinking about love to finding a reason to love to loving for so many reasons and eventually hating for another set of reasons. It is this format, I think that needs to be understood well. That understanding will help clear all the doubts. Hope that helps you clear some doubts too!
So coming back to my friend’s thought, what my friend said is true. One day all those qualities won’t attract you, because something will choose to distract you. You cannot expect love to stand true and pure for no reason. There will be a reason to love and some to hate. That’s perfectly healthy in some sense.
Listen, it is practically impossible for a human mind to love for no reason. It all starts with a reason and soon there are so many reasons to love that eventually you see yourself loving the person all the time. Over time we take all those reasons for granted and expect them to behave or act like that and that is when things go weird. What a person exhibits or acts or displays itself is what it finds right for the moment. You may like it and love the person for that. But you cannot expect the person to live like that all the time. They may or may not choose to live with that, it is often based on knowing what things are in their control or beyond their control.
It starts with finding no reasons to love, proceeds to find a reason to love and soon lands up in finding many reasons to love to fool itself that it’s loving for no reason.
In olden times relationships were like approached like things, if things did not work out, there were meant to be repaired. Now a days relationships are like use and throw technology. It is not durable for long and litter-able over time!
Goals can make people understand more about relationships. You don’t drop the goal because things go the wrong way in between. When you know your goal is important, you will find a way to work it out. Similarly life will may put forward you in situations where in love will not come and find no reason. It may happen. At such time is your test. To leave with a bias or to stand and go through the trial. If that happens you stay and find the millions reasons why you chose the person in the first place. What happened to those values or those things? Questioning and clearing your mind helps many to speak clearly and patch up. Of the many times you think there is no reason to love, you have hundred reasons to not love and a whole list of expectations list unfulfilled. You expect the person to behave like you want even though the person doesn’t want to. Such sort of misunderstanding appears as disrespect and often ferments as hate.
A little time spent in answering and questioning one’s own intention and expectations and understanding other’s limitation and mutually agreeing upon an amicable solution, can help a lot of people to patch up and experience the same love again.
To love beyond a reason, you need to live a life like that. It is only possible for the Enlightened or the Kind to look beyond reasons and love and live. For them love is an attitude, for most people love happens for a reason. To reach to that state to love for no reason, you got to imbibe that just not for one person but for everyone. That’s when you can truly say you are loving for no reason, else it is always loving for some reason.
You could say you love the person because you don’t find a reason to hate it! The day you find a reason to not love and you decide to stick on it, you will soon start hating the person.
When considering the options of why you chose the person and what was reason, there are definitely so many reasons you chose to love but then over time, you stopped looking at reasons, labelled it as loving for no reason and decided carefully you will give your everything to this person. You decided to love. You chose to love.
Over time so many things influence your mind to love. I think it is not a singular moment which tells you it’s love. It never is a single moment. Moment by moment, love builds, trust builds and care grows. You become comfortable with each other. You become used to that comfort. Some label it as love and choose to live with it. All you want is that comfort for a lifetime. Everyone longs for it!
And in the midst of that journey, its okay to have questions and find reason to love and question it. Questions are healthy, they stimulate and direct the relationship in right direction. Living with a doubt is dangerous..and when all questions disappear and you learn to see and accept each other with your flaws, you slowly train each other to love beyond a reason!
Time will teach you to love beyond a reason.
